I want to blame somebody for a coupla things in my life. I want to point a finger, take away all the bad stuff and make it so I don’t feel bad or guilty about how things have turned out. Nothing is bad. But there are things I would rather forget. Some things without the weight of which, I would probably laugh more. Unfortunately, for all lack of modesty, I know that I know. I have the intelligence to judge and understand what I see and what happens to me. I’m no Einstein and no Darwin. I will never make great contribution and never be able to change the way man sees the physical world. I mention the two names above because I respect the contribution and in my short life yet so far, have been greatly moved and touched by the power of thought. And I just saw a movie about Darwin... But then... That’s me.
I don’t have any powerful thought. But I do have understanding. I see a great bravery in the conviction and the strength it took to fight the pattern of belief of man. Belief is powerful and it is incredible in its ability to shape the thought of an individual.
Digress. Talk about the individual for a minute and see if the conversation brings us back to belief. It is my intention for it to. But let us see... J
If you’re reading this, I have to assume you’re doing it while you have other commitments to look at. Meaning an Excel sheet, a Firefox browser or a tool to code at work. You’re maybe chatting with a friend. Or a person of the opposite sex whom you may have liked or quite possibly still do. You’re simultaneously wondering what the boss will tell you tomorrow. Or whether the dinner tonight will be any better than last night. Of course, the dinner is important because it ends the day. And anything that happened today, good or bad will be concluded by this obvious yet monotonous event.
To bring me back to my point, take a quick second. Think about yourself. Think about things that worry you, bother you, nag you, shake you, and make you smile, make you happy and then make you feel like an idiot. Think about things that have been monumental. School. Home. Parents. First Crush. First time you had a drink. The first time you went up in an aeroplane. The second time you bungee jumped. Think about the extent of its presence and knowledge and the length and breadth of the scope of its entirety. I do it. And while they all seem great and conclusive and something that made a significant difference at some point of time, today, 2 days, 3 months or 6 years later, you have no memory of the emotion. It has died. You remember the happiness and the sadness, what you did and how loud you screamed. But for that moment, at the time, what you felt is gone. The emotion is, as the ever believing people of the Lord would say, nothing but shadows and dust.
Now think of the time when you went for your first day at a new school. When you got to work for the first time. When you went to the passport office when you were 13 years old, all alone. While you’re standing alone at the bus stop at a crowded road and can see the cars, bikes, autos, buses, truck, pedestrians walking by. The feeling there. That is the feeling of insecurity. The people you focus on for support and guidance and security are gone. You have nowhere to go, nothing to do. You’re there. And that’s about it. It’s overwhelming. Scary. And makes me feel less significant than all the Activity that happens all around me. Lack of purpose is probably the worst feeling a man can go through. I hope this paragraph brought about a reaction. And if it has, if you feel a little worse about your purpose, I apologise. That was never the purpose.
I did, however have my moment and it evolved into understanding. In my head. Shikha will never agree, but then I don’t expect anything less from her. She has a way of tossing your sense of intelligence into the parallel universe. Abhinav would nod his head and tell me that he stills believes in purpose and Karthik would, depending on his mood at the time, would either tell me to shut up or would jump into the conversation. And I can think of atleast 15 people who'd tell me how wrong I am all the way down. The top of this post, they will never believe.
The examples above define the point of my statements. We are singular entities in the grand scheme of the Universe. There is no god. There is no purpose. We live. We die and life goes on. Nothing we do today will change the unwritten destiny of the universe. Stars will continue to shine and the volcanoes on Mars will erupt with no more a vengeance than they have been till today. The great and grand design that we all hope for happens every single day. Day in and day out. I don’t know if life will ever end. But I hope that it will sustain. Everyday. Cats, dogs, insects and plants all are part of the grand design. Gods’ idea for the universe was to make life. And then end it. And it’s a fabulous design. Look at yourself in the mirror or the computer screen. Look at yourself living. Every pore and inch is a contribution to that. And if you had to find purpose still within all of this, that’s where we talk about individual. Everyone is so unique, so completely independent, that you suddenly feel valuable.
And you are. You truly are.
Now, the usual disclaimers. I am not as smart as I claimed in the post itself. But I get by. The discussion up there happened a moment of weirdness. But it applies nonetheless. I am not a spiteful man and will be more than happy to listen to you toot your lack of appreciation or lack of ability to understand why I would write this. So go straight ahead.
And as long as we're discussing perspective,
I don’t have any powerful thought. But I do have understanding. I see a great bravery in the conviction and the strength it took to fight the pattern of belief of man. Belief is powerful and it is incredible in its ability to shape the thought of an individual.
Digress. Talk about the individual for a minute and see if the conversation brings us back to belief. It is my intention for it to. But let us see... J
If you’re reading this, I have to assume you’re doing it while you have other commitments to look at. Meaning an Excel sheet, a Firefox browser or a tool to code at work. You’re maybe chatting with a friend. Or a person of the opposite sex whom you may have liked or quite possibly still do. You’re simultaneously wondering what the boss will tell you tomorrow. Or whether the dinner tonight will be any better than last night. Of course, the dinner is important because it ends the day. And anything that happened today, good or bad will be concluded by this obvious yet monotonous event.
To bring me back to my point, take a quick second. Think about yourself. Think about things that worry you, bother you, nag you, shake you, and make you smile, make you happy and then make you feel like an idiot. Think about things that have been monumental. School. Home. Parents. First Crush. First time you had a drink. The first time you went up in an aeroplane. The second time you bungee jumped. Think about the extent of its presence and knowledge and the length and breadth of the scope of its entirety. I do it. And while they all seem great and conclusive and something that made a significant difference at some point of time, today, 2 days, 3 months or 6 years later, you have no memory of the emotion. It has died. You remember the happiness and the sadness, what you did and how loud you screamed. But for that moment, at the time, what you felt is gone. The emotion is, as the ever believing people of the Lord would say, nothing but shadows and dust.
Now think of the time when you went for your first day at a new school. When you got to work for the first time. When you went to the passport office when you were 13 years old, all alone. While you’re standing alone at the bus stop at a crowded road and can see the cars, bikes, autos, buses, truck, pedestrians walking by. The feeling there. That is the feeling of insecurity. The people you focus on for support and guidance and security are gone. You have nowhere to go, nothing to do. You’re there. And that’s about it. It’s overwhelming. Scary. And makes me feel less significant than all the Activity that happens all around me. Lack of purpose is probably the worst feeling a man can go through. I hope this paragraph brought about a reaction. And if it has, if you feel a little worse about your purpose, I apologise. That was never the purpose.
I did, however have my moment and it evolved into understanding. In my head. Shikha will never agree, but then I don’t expect anything less from her. She has a way of tossing your sense of intelligence into the parallel universe. Abhinav would nod his head and tell me that he stills believes in purpose and Karthik would, depending on his mood at the time, would either tell me to shut up or would jump into the conversation. And I can think of atleast 15 people who'd tell me how wrong I am all the way down. The top of this post, they will never believe.
The examples above define the point of my statements. We are singular entities in the grand scheme of the Universe. There is no god. There is no purpose. We live. We die and life goes on. Nothing we do today will change the unwritten destiny of the universe. Stars will continue to shine and the volcanoes on Mars will erupt with no more a vengeance than they have been till today. The great and grand design that we all hope for happens every single day. Day in and day out. I don’t know if life will ever end. But I hope that it will sustain. Everyday. Cats, dogs, insects and plants all are part of the grand design. Gods’ idea for the universe was to make life. And then end it. And it’s a fabulous design. Look at yourself in the mirror or the computer screen. Look at yourself living. Every pore and inch is a contribution to that. And if you had to find purpose still within all of this, that’s where we talk about individual. Everyone is so unique, so completely independent, that you suddenly feel valuable.
And you are. You truly are.
Now, the usual disclaimers. I am not as smart as I claimed in the post itself. But I get by. The discussion up there happened a moment of weirdness. But it applies nonetheless. I am not a spiteful man and will be more than happy to listen to you toot your lack of appreciation or lack of ability to understand why I would write this. So go straight ahead.
And as long as we're discussing perspective,
What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!-Tony Montana, played by Al Pacino, Scarface (1983)
