With no clue where I'm going..

I stopped writing a few years ago.

I moved to a new place. Met new people. And freaked out. In both good and bad ways. I’ve never really suffered from ‘Culture Shock’. But new things have happened. I fell in love a coupla times. I did. As ridiculous as it might sound for some of you. It was nice. And didn’t work. But I liked it. Still do.

As I got older, I got scared. Honestly properly scared. I never really met people I was intimidated by. I was pretty comfortable in my skin. As large as it was, it was nice.

But in the last 8 years, I have. Not just in college, but outside as well. In hindsight, I think that had something to do with my own expectations. I really hoped I’d find better people than me. It’s a truth that it takes someone better than you to make yourself better than yourself. You either compete with or learn from these people. Both cases teach you a lot about yourself and help you change. Resistance is futile.

I met nice people. Rude people. Arrogant bitches and hand holding angels. I’ve known a few who are all this and some more in between. I’ve met geniuses who knock me out with their bullshit and some idiots who amaze me even today, years after I’ve known them the way they are.

Now the people I’ve known proper and long all these years, I know. I can read them, I usually know what they’re thinking and can pre-empt their own words in some cases. These are my real close friends. I’m not saying I know them inside out, but I have a pretty good handle. And these people know me. In a similar, where not same way.

These guys are my rocks. I've had several friends over the years and count myself to be a pretty good one. I step up when they need me. I think I have. I may forget to call for months, and will probably lose a birthday each new year, but I’m always on call. These rocks of mine are largely the same way.

More or less. We all have that one guy…

But what has thrown me off in this time, and with these people, are the not-so-nice ones. I’ve met my share. Not any more or less than anyone else. But I’m always surprised.

I’ve read someplace and have come to agree with a notion. All humans are bisexual. I don’t know if there are further classifications which exist which I might agree with, so let’s just stick to this for now. In kinda the same way, I believe every person is good and bad. I mean, the same asshole who kicks a guy in the balls when he’s down is most certainly being a great brother/sister or friend somewhere else. So no one is totally good or bad. He might lean one way or the other, but at some point, he’s checked out the ass of a person of the same sex.

I’ve always known this. At the back of our minds, we all do. We know that we will get along with some people and not with some others. I attached myself to those guys who I thought worked, and distanced myself a little from the others. Now I’m no Prof X. I just went with what I thought. I’ve made mistakes with this earlier, and was lucky enough that things were set right in the longer run.

But I made a crucial mistake. While I opened myself up to those guys who I was in sync with, I never really stopped listening to the others. I got caught up in some of it. Eventually, some of my behavior and habits began to lean towards the kind I didn’t like.

It took some real good people to make me notice. Willingly or not, they made me take a look at myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I began to work to undo all of it.

I still have my moments. I forgive myself easily telling myself 2 things.

1. We’re all like this at some level. The ruling personalities take over one another at times
2. I’m trying to improve. I’m making an effort to change. So that’s better than not...

There is some vanity in both things. But I won’t get into that. They are what they are.

The biggest thing that was affected in this time was my own judgment. It terrified me to see an image and not see the beauty that people around me oooh’d at, a technical quote which people aaah’d at and a song which people mooo’d at.

I was a little stumped. Not always, but often enough that I wasn’t sure of what I’m supposed to be seeing.

Again, I always knew there is a difference between them and me. That I would see things in one way and the others would see it their own way. But no amount of telling helped. I kept wondering what it was I was missing. Do I not have the eye, ear or smell to appreciate a good thing when I saw it? Or maybe I just don’t understand what’s being said. Maybe I’m completely entirely daft.

Over time, I’ve become a little more comfortable in my daft-ness. I have more ‘duh’ moments than I’d wish to confess, but they don’t bother me as much. I’m not as concerned about the 3^rd party opinion.

Today, a few years later, I might not be smarter than I was. I might not even have gotten any wiser as age is supposed to do. But I am a lot more relaxed. Other people don’t bother me. Not as much as they used to anyway.

In all fairness, I think the 3^rd party opinions I mentioned were hugely contributing factors. It took all of that to make me think about myself. It took some more effort afterwards to drive away insecurities about it.

I read something else. This also was in an episode of ‘House’ once. We’re all schizo. I hope that’s not a derogatory. The word. But we all are at least a little off our rocker. Again, this is something we all know.

I realize I’m making no points here. I’m just trying to say that it took me some time to come to my belief system. And all it says is ‘be cool’. It’s not a pure philosophy. I lose it a lot a lot of the times. But this is how it came about. It took me some time, some burn and some not-authorised-by-parents things to get here. But here I am.

It’s been a trip coming to terms with myself. I may not look better, sound better or adopt puppies just yet. But I am chill. I have a lot more to do, I know. Typing this, I can see some faces I know cringe or laugh or smirk saying ‘Balls. This little bitch don’t know shit’. But it is what it is.

Like I said in the beginning, I stopped writing. I thought I just wasn’t good enough. That what I write would come out wrong, will have small words and would be just plain stupid. It took me longer than you might think and took considerably more effort than I thought. But here it is. 2 MS Word pages.

Out of a potential 7,000,000,000 people, I expect no more than 5 to ever read this. I still have to read this again to see where I got to. But I’m not worried any more. It is what it is.

To close, as before, a quote. Now this is a repeater. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again.

From Harvey (1950). One of the finest movies I’ve had the pleasure of watching with one of the finest actors I’ve ever seen perform.

Elwood P. Dowd:  Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

Mom, I think hates this about me. But I have no destination. I have a sense of direction, and can only hope and fight that it does not lead me to shit.

The Not-So-Spectacular Return and the Perspective that doesn't matter

I want to blame somebody for a coupla things in my life. I want to point a finger, take away all the bad stuff and make it so I don’t feel bad or guilty about how things have turned out. Nothing is bad. But there are things I would rather forget. Some things without the weight of which, I would probably laugh more. Unfortunately, for all lack of modesty, I know that I know. I have the intelligence to judge and understand what I see and what happens to me. I’m no Einstein and no Darwin. I will never make great contribution and never be able to change the way man sees the physical world. I mention the two names above because I respect the contribution and in my short life yet so far, have been greatly moved and touched by the power of thought. And I just saw a movie about Darwin... But then... That’s me.

I don’t have any powerful thought. But I do have understanding. I see a great bravery in the conviction and the strength it took to fight the pattern of belief of man. Belief is powerful and it is incredible in its ability to shape the thought of an individual.

Digress. Talk about the individual for a minute and see if the conversation brings us back to belief. It is my intention for it to. But let us see... J

If you’re reading this, I have to assume you’re doing it while you have other commitments to look at. Meaning an Excel sheet, a Firefox browser or a tool to code at work. You’re maybe chatting with a friend. Or a person of the opposite sex whom you may have liked or quite possibly still do. You’re simultaneously wondering what the boss will tell you tomorrow. Or whether the dinner tonight will be any better than last night. Of course, the dinner is important because it ends the day. And anything that happened today, good or bad will be concluded by this obvious yet monotonous event.

To bring me back to my point, take a quick second. Think about yourself. Think about things that worry you, bother you, nag you, shake you, and make you smile, make you happy and then make you feel like an idiot. Think about things that have been monumental. School. Home. Parents. First Crush. First time you had a drink. The first time you went up in an aeroplane. The second time you bungee jumped. Think about the extent of its presence and knowledge and the length and breadth of the scope of its entirety. I do it. And while they all seem great and conclusive and something that made a significant difference at some point of time, today, 2 days, 3 months or 6 years later, you have no memory of the emotion. It has died. You remember the happiness and the sadness, what you did and how loud you screamed. But for that moment, at the time, what you felt is gone. The emotion is, as the ever believing people of the Lord would say, nothing but shadows and dust.

Now think of the time when you went for your first day at a new school. When you got to work for the first time. When you went to the passport office when you were 13 years old, all alone. While you’re standing alone at the bus stop at a crowded road and can see the cars, bikes, autos, buses, truck, pedestrians walking by. The feeling there. That is the feeling of insecurity. The people you focus on for support and guidance and security are gone. You have nowhere to go, nothing to do. You’re there. And that’s about it. It’s overwhelming. Scary. And makes me feel less significant than all the Activity that happens all around me. Lack of purpose is probably the worst feeling a man can go through. I hope this paragraph brought about a reaction. And if it has, if you feel a little worse about your purpose, I apologise. That was never the purpose.

I did, however have my moment and it evolved into understanding. In my head. Shikha will never agree, but then I don’t expect anything less from her. She has a way of tossing your sense of intelligence into the parallel universe. Abhinav would nod his head and tell me that he stills believes in purpose and Karthik would, depending on his mood at the time, would either tell me to shut up or would jump into the conversation. And I can think of atleast 15 people who'd tell me how wrong I am all the way down. The top of this post, they will never believe.

The examples above define the point of my statements. We are singular entities in the grand scheme of the Universe. There is no god. There is no purpose. We live. We die and life goes on. Nothing we do today will change the unwritten destiny of the universe. Stars will continue to shine and the volcanoes on Mars will erupt with no more a vengeance than they have been till today. The great and grand design that we all hope for happens every single day. Day in and day out. I don’t know if life will ever end. But I hope that it will sustain. Everyday. Cats, dogs, insects and plants all are part of the grand design. Gods’ idea for the universe was to make life. And then end it. And it’s a fabulous design. Look at yourself in the mirror or the computer screen. Look at yourself living. Every pore and inch is a contribution to that. And if you had to find purpose still within all of this, that’s where we talk about individual. Everyone is so unique, so completely independent, that you suddenly feel valuable.

And you are. You truly are.


Now, the usual disclaimers. I am not as smart as I claimed in the post itself. But I get by. The discussion up there happened a moment of weirdness. But it applies nonetheless. I am not a spiteful man and will be more than happy to listen to you toot your lack of appreciation or lack of ability to understand why I would write this. So go straight ahead.


And as long as we're discussing perspective,

What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

-Tony Montana, played by Al Pacino, Scarface (1983)

Two Worlds..

I spent 4 years in Chennai. In a college most popular for its "demonic rules". No.. Life wasn't bad. The rules didn't really manage to hold any of us there down. We were a happy bunch. I had a life. Simple and small and fun. Over there, life revolved around staying out of ridiculous classes of ridiculous teachers. This was an everyday mission. Math fests helped me a load.

Wasting time with a few friends. And all that. I never suffered or anything in the place. I walked away from that place with no major academic scars. Personally, the scars are few. Life altering, but not major. Go figure.

I have fallen in love with Chennai. I was introduced and interacted with people I am very happy I know. I love that city. It was nothing but totally and absolutely good to me. I am today, more comfortable with the roads and areas in Chennai than back home in Hyderabad.

But...

The four years there have, I think kept me away from a zone that I do think i should have been a part of. But being in a place where the Internet was amazing, it tends to isolate you.
My image of a modern world and an India that's moving ahead changed. It became more basic. My new world wasn't the next Parikrama gig. My world wasn't how well Kyunki Saas.. was doing. My world didn't have a TV you see.. My world wasn't even Michael Schumachers winning and loss. My world wasn't anymore what it used to be. My world changed. My world was different.

I don't argue this was how it was for everyone. But it was like this for me.

I moved from Jungle2Jungle... I love that phrase..

My complaint. The things I have missed. I have missed a college culture I could've adapted to and been a part of. I had to force my self through all the small things to be vaguely connected to it as much as I am. I had to rely on the talk of others to pick on the little things that I had missed. Sutta for example. Wouldn't have heard it if it wasn't for a friend in Hyderabad. And no one gave a crap for it in the circle in Chennai. It just isn't what flies.

I have experienced that side of it. And it was insane. At home, I was weird.
And what I thought at the time was that I was actually right up there. Close to the top of the stairway that defines me as a guy who knows his times.

AND.. Ho Ho Fucking Hey.. I was wrong..

I am in MICA now. Its a different world. Its a little closer to the world I originated from. And lightyears away from the world I have come from.

Why I'm using so much 'world', I have no damned clue.

Anyhow.. MICA. Good place. Loud. Fun. Boring. Busy. And a load of BS day in and day out.

But the things here operate differently. I have missed out on some stuff. They just passed me bye bye. Certain aspects I realise seem so elementary and obvious. They just don't form a connect for me. I'm introducing myself to almost everything almost for the first time.
But it is what it is. Its great. Lets have that fun. Learning could have been worse.

Hyderabad designed me. Chennai refined me. Ahmedabad is yet to be seen...

It is my birthday as I type this out. And the 'party' we had last night was great. A special thanks to everyone who was there. An apology to those who couldn't make it. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to you..

To everyone back home.. Love you all. Life is as good as ever before.
To everyone in Chennai.. Love you all. Life is different here. But Chennai has made me 10 times the man I was..

To...

And a final little something..
From a movie that has shaped me into what I am..

From Harvey (1950)

Elwood P Dowd: I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with

Intelligence is Us...

Now isn't it just everyones dream to be intelligent. Or "Intelligenter" than thy neighbour..

Of course, we all think we're intelligent. We all think we can handle the stuff and don't really need advice. I mean, c'mon.. Why do I need advice about Relationships.. Studies.. Career.. Driving.. Banks.. Voting.. Soap.. Wardrobe.. Hairstyle and a shit load of other annoying issues..

I was born with the brains for this. I can handle this. My fucking playground this world is. And you're just an insignificant chattering spawn of a flawed design by the Flying Spaghetti Monster (true concept.. Check out Pastafarianism)..
Well.. That's what most of us think. Short of the monster I'd say. Intelligence isn't really relative. I mean, other than IQ tests, there aren't any other real measures. And by now, we all know that IQ Tests are mostly a farce and Intelligence Testing is a definitely flawed concept.. I mean, (again) C'mon.. It never says I'm as smart as I really am.. :P :P :P
Yes, I was kidding.. I'm not a self centered asshole.. Yet.. In this post.. Yet..

Now here is my opinion. People aren't stupid. They are however mostly stupid in judging how intelligent they themselves are. Mostly. Some people are in fact greatly intelligent. And they are the ones who can easily bump you down on your ass if you try to get too cocky with them. I know a few like that. Unfortunately, I do not find myself on that side of the fence.
Argument : There is of course, a certain group in which I am one of the smartest. And then there's the other group in whose company, I will refrain from opening my mouth to avoid sounding like a total dumbass.. One Half of a dumbass is usually bad enough.

So here.. You find the real smart people. I mean cream of the lot. And they pop in all places. My college even.. And that's saying something. In the family. Friends and acquaintances. They are brilliant in there own worlds. Someone may be a genius at music and another at sports. But they are the kings of their domain. And I have learnt not to challenge a lion in his own den.
Then there are the averagely smart people. People with all the general skills and good at them. These people are smart. They can talk. You'll either like them because they use their smarts for good stuff. Or hate them because, while being good, they think they are better than what they are and thus actually stupid. That's an argument all in its own and a good one. So let me know if you wanna discuss that.
Then there are truly ordinary people. We were born in our own shells and thrive in them. No concept of intelligence and amazing powers of Holmes deduction. Born mostly in obscurity, they rise on hard work and make a life within their worlds and boundaries. You usually.. No.. You definitely, will not find anyone you'd put in this bunch at a fabulous position in any enterprise.. OK.. There's Gordon Brown, but he turned out to be this only after becoming the PM.. Apparently, he was quite the force before..
And there is George Bush.. But for all reasons, I think he deserves a place in my next group..

And then there the stockbrokers (Applause.. Standing Ovation..) .. OK.. Sorry about that. I tried to make a funny.

And then there are the people who can be called for the sake of diplomacy, "Beings of Stunted Intellect". Forgive me. Now, in my honest opinion, BoSI are the way they are because they(we¿) were never given the same options at pursuing a strong sense of self when younger. And that has clearly scarred them for life. This applies to the upper category too..

BUT HERE... I read and understand that the intelligence of a person can also do a lot with physiology.. To be more precise, the mapping of his brain and the active centres.

NOTE: Complete retard in biology, so if I am killing the subject, my apologies. Please correct me in the comments and I will post a retraction immediately.

So in the image you see below, it matters a lot depending on your actual brain activity to decide how stupid or smart you are.. Forgive the unsympathetic terms.

verbal comprehension (blue), perceptual organization (red), working memory (green), and processing speed (yellow), represented by the pictograms

So that is your brain to you. Any one of those areas get muddles, and you're an idiot. So basically, while it is possible and psychologists and psychiatrists will argue, intelligence and perception are qualities you imbibe as a growing person, it may not be entirely in your control. I mean, do some dogs learn tricks faster than others? Do circus dogs have an unusual ability to learn, or is it just the way they were raised? I dunno.. Don't look at me.. I'm just typing here..

But here.. Intelligence doesn't of course mean success. Neither does stupidity mean failure. The movie Deewar is a classic example.
Poor Bachchan Saab thought he was a genius. "Vijay" took it all the way with "Ravi" telling him how much more successful he was.. Ravi gave it straight back. Something the film industry is NEVER EVER gonna forget. So we're all on the side of Bachchan Saab. Loving Shashi Kapoor but with a little scathing. Dear Dudley-Do-Right.. Hmph.. He did however, make the smart guy look like an ass. So there's an example of a guy who tried to get cocky with a smarter guy. Isn't it fun watching all these I'm-So-Smarts getting a slap on the face when they get too happy? Hehe.. Not when the guy is Bachchan Saab of course, but it is an example..
And for more fun-viewing of how an idiot thinks he/she is smart and makes s fool out of themselves, tune into Roadies on MTV.. Schedules available in your local mewspaper..

But what blog post of mine is complete without the preachy part.. None..
So here..
You're reading this post. In a random, top-of-my-head assumption, I think you're intelligent. Because I don't think "stupid people" will read this blog. Not because I think the blog is smart.. But whatever.. Screw that..
And the smart ones are getting tired..

But I know a few people. Smart guys and girls. Very intelligent. They can handle an argument very well. And can really give it back to you. But they lack the social sense of how to do it. When I talk to a guy who is lesser read (pronounce->Red) than I am and tell him the difference between a RAM and a Graphics Card (Special Thanks to Rao for teaching me), then I tell him because he doesn't know. And when I teach a friend a simple integration problem for the 6th time in semester 3, it isn't because he's stupid. Some people just have blocks. And as a person who has the ability to deal with a problem his neighbour cannot, its your duty to help them. This goes.. Even with the guy at the ATM standing inside for ten mins already.. Even though, at that point, you wanna KILL KILL KILL..

People don't believe in evolution and don't believe that there are electrons inside an atom. Why? They are just too closed up. This doesn't make them stupid. A little stubborn maybe. But not stupid. Its called difference in opinion. Deal with it.. You're kid is gonna have it with you. And you cant just call him an idiot.. Atleast not always..

I know a few "intelligent" people who are assholes. I mean, real SOBs.. I find it sad. The world had lesser smart people.. And it becomes a responsibility of these people to help the not so lucky. So don't just donate a cookie, do something. Sound advice to your friend who needs it helps. And a friendly shoulder doesn't always help. It has to be a smart one. So you gotta spread the brains. The more people who learn whats right wrong and rubber-ducky, the smoother things will go.
You do have a responsibility to makes other lives as good as you can. But figure out first if you are smart or an idiot. Wouldn't want you to give advice if you're the dumbass..

Not everyone is good at what you do. And you suck at some stuff most others can do. Its true. Its just true. If your the perfect student, you're a lousy sportsman and vice versa. If you're good at both sports and studies, you have a short ass temper.. You get the point.
Personally, I have more flaws than I'd care to share. But I have them. And in some ways, I am aware. In some ways, I'm sure I'm not.. I try to control them. But I don't always succeed.. And that's put me on a bad spot more than once..

I don't try to tell you what to do.. You have all the right to call me an idiot.. In fact, comment and tell me how dumb I am. And any circumstances of stupidity you have been witness to. I will be most honoured. Let the world know where I fall short..

But then again, like I said earlier in this post, I am a king.. I am a god.. I am smarter than you. And if you think otherwise, its just because I choose to hide it.. I mean, I did make you read this all the way down here.. :D :D :D
And please.. Don't even try to say, "HA.. I reached here directly.. Didn't read the dumb post".. You'll be even dumber then..


But I do wanna leave you with a question.
I have made a few stupid mistakes earlier. I have learnt and am correcting those mistakes. On the road.. I have learnt and will never ever go back to the same level of idiocy again. Do I still have to feel bad? I have felt bad and am working on corrective measures. Look back on yourself. You'll find enough excuse when you were a retard about stuff and hated yourself later. Gimme sound advice o intelligent ones. Enlighten the All-Knowing-Smirking-Red-Face..

Thank You..

Slow Death of Chatter

Communication is getting murdered. We don’t live with or within the society. I travel on buses a lot. And the only talking I do is to the bus conductor.
Here, I'm gonna give you my side of how we are dying within our society. Trust me.. I do it.

So public transport, buses. I travel for lunch, dinner and all that on a bus. I travel in trains a lot. I also travel in planes ever so often. And I almost never talk to my fellow passengers. Almost never. I don’t insist that you strike up a conversation, exchange telephone numbers and go on a picnic together with the in-laws included. But if you're from India, you know how it is travelling among janta and someone looking at you and curse the bad buses, the horrid train food or how they lost their luggage last time. In Indian public transport, conversations happen easier than other places. No no... Correct that, they used to happen.

When I travel, I have an iPod my bro gave me.. Awesome little piece of technology. Unlike the abomination that is Windows Vista (yes, I'm just dissing Vista here), it’s perfect. It has everything. Amazing sound.. Amazing interface. And after a while, you even get used to typing in that interface. And all those motion sensitive games..

But I use it a lot. On buses. Trains. Planes. So much. I sometimes don’t take it off while asking the conductor for a ticket because I know exactly how much the tickets cost.
And the same holds for other people. I see them engrossed in their earphones, it’s like they're on a trip... I don’t talk to anyone. When I'm waiting at the airport terminal, and there’s a match on, people react. They go "AAWW..." for a wicket and all shift in their seats when we get a boundary... Our side of course. But people ignore the others. Again, I don’t want people to look at each other and shake hands and hug on victory or anything. But I like it when I can turn to someone, say, "Wow... Nice catch...” or "What a shot...!" or "What the hell is he talking about..??!! That was going to the off stump EASY...!! “.. Which leads to a collective, "*&%&#*#("...
I tried it... And not everyone responds. You can actually very easily tell who will respond and who will look at you like you need the paramedics...

And believe me, I have tried. And the responses of them non-repsonding types are greatly funnier than the responding types.
So I implore you. Please... Talk to the strangers. It’s fun.

When I began to realise that I wasn’t talking to people and was a road zombie, I began to stop using my iPod as much. I still used it. And I love it. Only I don’t use it as much. I like to go onto the bus with it just around my neck and not use it while I spend some time smiling at the kids. I even randomly ask people directions to places I don’t want to go. And you wouldn’t imagine how much they like telling you how the buses can’t go some places or can go some places. Some guys argue with themselves wondering what the best route would be... Two buses? An auto and a bus? Vice versa..? Ha... And it’s always fun watching them do it...
Either way... Public chatter is fun. It can get annoying with a few people. But I can enjoy it more often than not...

Chatting and Text messaging. Now I have a few friends with whom I am in touch and communicate with entirely on the phone or through text chatting... And the problem is that text has no emotion. I mean, can you type to a friend that you wanna kick his ass or a girl/guy... Well, whatever it is that you want you...

To be able to dictate emotion on text, I think you should have a very special understanding with the person you are talking to... I have friends I have been chatting with for years. Almost 6 years. And I have friends I have been chatting with for 2 years. And for some weird reason, I can chat with the others better. They understand me and I get them a lot better.
However, at the end of the day, there is still some form of ignorance there. You don’t know how to talk to people. All the "Online Help" where there are people who chat with you and clear doubts is amazingly convenient. I've used. I'm not gonna say it shouldn’t be done. I'm saying it takes away something from you.

People love being the centre of attention. It doesn’t necessarily need to be in a grand party. But even if you are the prime attention of a single person, it’s a greatly satisfying position to be in. That’s people. You too. Its great being called out to... So with the lack of actually being the centre of attention because I can simultaneously chat with or talk to 10 people at a time takes out a lot of magic in life. The telephone and calling them is just a relative improvement.

I am actually running out of ways to go on... But here. I am not criticizing technology. I love technology. But it has made changes to our lives. Technology hit us very fast. So fast, I don’t think we all realised what happened. Basic human actions and habits have been affected.

So keep an eye out... be aware of what you're doing. Be aware of your choices and take responsibility for your actions... Things are changing Very fast...

I haven’t addressed a lot of topics... But I hope I got the essential point across..

Big and Round

Here you go.. A feeler to all you underweight and perfect weight people. A call out. A shout.. This is the story... NAY.. The life of a man who has lived all his conscious life in the shadow of weight.. Of himself.. :P

To start and make you all aware that this isn't idle rant and is very much the real thing, check out the photo below..

Yes.. That's me. That is my 18th birthday.. 127 kilos. My greatest days. Its the heaviest I have ever been. I was probably 6'2" back then.. In college, I got to 94. Possibly the lightest I have ever been. As an adult.
Now, as I write this, I have hit 111 kilos now.. Gained all of it back.

Now, I am also tall. I have met and have taller friends. Bro is an inch and a half taller than I am.
Life isn't easy for a fat man. Its even less easy for a tall man. And when you're a hybrid, you've taken the cake. Truly.. Chocolate. With a cherry on top. And I don't even like cherries..
Forgive the metaphor.

So then.. The attempt-at-losing-weight days..
Grandad was the first to figure that I was getting fat. I was probably in class 6 or something. He looks and tells me that I gotta get into shape. Now my grandad. When he said, I did. I never asked questions. I didn't even know what questions. He commanded that kinda scary respect. From everyone.
So he made me run. He made me wake up early. He took these walks. And made me run. Jog. It was a 500mtrs stretch.. Bro will tell me it was less. He'll enjoy saying it. And grandad made me run up and down this stretch 6 times.. Thats 3 kilometres Not back and forth. Watch the language.. It was UP and DOWN. And for a class 6 kid, at least me, I was a wreck. However, it didn't work. Unfortunately, I knew how to open the 'snacks cupboard'. Not gonna explain what that is. To get an idea, look at the picture above again. So Grandad tried.. I never quite understood how important it was to lose weight..

Then there were the running trips Dad took me to on. I ran.. Again, snacks cupboard.
You see, the snacks cupboard thing, no one knew that I knew. And I had a superpower breaking into it...

So I spent my schooling years HUGE.. Height helped. I could take all the rebounds and stuff. But was never any good at basketball. I fit in the seats back then. I went back to school 3 years after graduating. Couldn't possibly believe it. I was stunned. How Did I Do It?

Food back then. A 3 case carry lunch box. Always, for 8 years in school and 2 years in junior college. 2 parathas, a veggie and a dal. Everyday. It was good food.
And then there was all the InBetweenMeals snacks.. Oh, they were many. they still are.. :P ;) Which made me mega fat.

I used to go for cricket coaching. In some way, it was supposed to make me lose weight. But it didn't work. I still always was, "Bhains" . . :P

I went to college in my prime. I was big, huge and an illusion mostly. There were times when people stopped talking because they thought I was a teacher. I shit you not. I dont understand. I was larger than the teachers too. People would start laughing once they realised it wasn't a teacher. These things never bothered me. But I think it eventually immunized me to the fact that I am a little out of the circle in general.. :)

In college though, the food, the walking and all together, it helped me LOSE weight. I slimmed like a crazy person. In a year, with no active attempt at doing so. I dunno. Happened to everyone. So I could finally wear jeans and ready made clothes again. :D :D
Really, I didn't fit in clothes. I had Everything stitched.

And tall. Tall is good. Its nice.. BUT.. I don't fit. ANYWHERE.. I don't fit in buses. I don't fit in Planes. I don't fit in the berths on trains. I don't fit in the backseats of cars. I don't get shoes. I don't get clothes(but that also has to do with my alien waistline)..
Being tall is great. But trust me, the world Inst all rosy up here..

From 94, I'm back to a cool 111... :P
I think that busted some things for me. So I'm back to apples and phulkas and all that stuff.

I am a gourmet. I need food. I like food.. I cannot diet. It Inst in me. Oh, you will have to gimme a lot of reason to..

I'm not gonna tell you that being fat sucks.
Being fat doesn't matter. I asked the people who matter. And they don't care. I don't care..

Don't have to comment this time. :)
Good Bye.. Good Night.. Good Luck..
Be Fat.. Its IN.. :P :P :P

A 'Queer' issue..

Homosexuality. Its the best way today, modern society, to have a debate and freak out a bunch of predominantly straight or heterosexual friends.. Ya.. I know, Way out..

Now this post is about homosexuality, liberalism and sexual orientation freedom. So if any of these bother you, just comment on what a good post this is, and then leave. But to those close to me, if this hurts your sentiments, I apologize. But this still gets posted.

Anyway.. It is a hot button topic. People get very easily uncomfortable in our country talking about it and then arguing about it. And I'm in Chennai. And I am from Hyderabad. Hyderabad, by the way has one of the largest gay communities in India. Including Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore. And the issue is very new in India.
Here is a bit of detail.
The actual public movement of Gay Liberation in India itself is about 6 years old. Compared to the rest of the world, the Indian movement is very young. Gay Liberation around the world, in Europe and the Americas started in the 1860s and became increasingly active after the II World War. And the most popular during the 1960s and the 1970s and has not since seen a slow down. The flagship countries to gay rights are Poland (decriminalization in 1932), France, Germany, Holland and Scandinavian countries and the USA.. Though in France and the following mentioned, there wasn't and still isn't legalisation or decriminalization, they are the nations which saw the most active movements.
Of course, the above examples are of the big countries. There are all these other countries which have their own set of laws..
Some which allow homosexuality but not marriages. There are even some countries which only allow lesbians but not male homosexuality.
Either way, the essential point is that the world in general hasn't opened up to liberalism. And
Here is a good idea of the world...

India has its own issues.
Lets talk India though..
The law in India doesn't specifically mention homosexuality as a crime. The word is never used. What is mentioned is this

Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.
- Section 377, IPC

So there.. Nothing specific. But it is implied. The movement to liberation in India has picked up. Like I said, in Mumbai Delhi and Hyderabad, there are plenty of gay bars and the like. Also, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkata and Puducherry held gay pride parades on June 29, 2008. In Mumbai, it was held on August 16, 2008. So, as it so appears, gay rights is opening up in India more than I'm sure your aware.
But then, legalisation isn't an option till the politics take over. So a look. The possibly first step towards gay tolerance in Indian politics happened when Politburo member, from the CPI(M) member Brinda Karat wrote an open letter to the then Minister of Law and Justice, Arun Jaitley about repealing Section 377 of the IPC. In 2003, the Delhi High Court refused to consider a petition of the law by a sexual health organisation, the Naz Foundation.
The Naz Foundation is an NGO which tries to spread awareness against HIV/AIDS. Its petition again, has been under consideration by the High Court since October 2006.
So whats a small timeline of gay tolerance in India been like...
On September 2006, Nobel Laureate Amartya Sen and acclaimed writer Vikram Seth came together with scores of other prominent Indians in public life to publicly demand this change in the legal regime. The open letter demands that 'In the name of humanity and of our Constitution, this cruel and discriminatory law should be struck down.'
On June 29, 2008, Delhi held its first ever gay pride march, along with similar gatherings in Bangalore and Calcutta.
On June 30, 2008, Indian labour minister Oscar Fernandes backed calls for decriminalization of consensual gay sex, and the Prime Minister Manmohan Singh called for greater tolerance towards homosexuals.
On July 4, 2008, gay activists fighting for decriminalization of consensual homosexuality at the Delhi High Court got a shot in the arm when the court opined that there is nothing unusual in holding a gay rally, something which is common outside India.
On July 23, 2008, Bombay High Court Judge Bilal Nazki said that India's unnatural sex law should be reviewed.
On November 7, 2008, the seven-year-old petition to disallow the law that makes “unnatural” sex a criminal offence finished hearings. The Indian Health Ministry supported this petition, while the Indian Home Ministry opposed such a move.

Then there is Anbumani Ramadoss. Under the hilarious words of Cyrus Broacha, "... he's trying to tell us that one type of fag is OK, but not the other.. " :D :D :D
The first 'fag' refers to the gays and the second to smoking...

So that's been a general and simple description of the political scenario.

Homosexuality has been declared taboo by the society primarily citing religious reasons. Abrahamic religions, like Christianity and Islam clearly ban any homosexual acts. Reasons being that they are all unnatural and against the law of nature and God.. Understandable. Typically, homosexuality has never struck most of us as the most normal thing. But I'd like to see you run that past an intelligent gay person. See if you get anywhere.
Hinduism doesn't ban homosexuality. Though in India, its all about culture and tradition which makes it wrong and 'disgusting'... There are plenty of arguments thrown around about more than one group of scholars which makes you wonder whats true. Check this out.. Arguable.

I have to argue. Homosexuals aren't freaks. They have rights. Homosexuality has been around as long as Leonardo DaVinci and all those famous people. It has to be understood that homosexuality, even though it doesn't seem that way, is as natural to a gay person as heterosexuality is to straight people. That's their argument. And you have never tried it, don't shove it down as an oddity because if your straight, then we obviously wouldn't know how it is. If "they", tens of thousands of gays say its that way, you and I have no option but to listen and agree. Its neither our right nor our place to argue.
As far as religion is concerned, with all due respect, they are wrong. God cannot discriminate against people he has designed in a specific way. Those he has made gay. And if human judgement was prejudiced by the minds of the writers of the scriptures, it obviously hasn't made any bounds in improvement today.
You have the right to do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt the people around you. You can go bungee jumping and convert you religion if it makes you happy and is really what you wanted to do. But for some reason, we are even more prejudiced against the gays.
Gay people HAVE to born of heterosexual parents. Any people for that matter of course. They can grow up in largely heterosexual environments and have straight friends and teachers and role models. But still are gay. You cannot TURN gay. You can REALISE that you are gay. Its a force of nature that rules what happens.
The only reason that anyone can argue and ask for control of the gay society is the spread of STDs. Which by the way, can spread as much in straight people as they do in the gay community. But for your information, check out the 8th point in THIS LINK. Hopefully dispel a few doubts.
And also, AIDS did not originate from gay men. Proven it is, that AIDS originated from chimpanzees in West Africa. READ THIS. In all fairness however, it is said that a gay person is the cause of bringing the disease into the Western world, though there is no solid proof to support the theory.

In my opinion, homosexuality is a very unfairly treated topic of debate. Most opinions spring more as a result of being influenced into an opinion than actually having one of your own.
I encourage you, to do your own research and perhaps think outside the box of religion and family influence and make your decisions. Informed ones. I have provided several links throughout the article to pertinent topics. But read some more.
Almost everything above also applies to bisexuals and transgenders by the way..

And to pacify the argument about 'natural' and 'hormonal' instincts in man, it has been observed in many animals as well. Homosexual behaviour. Now, if you don't believe in the Theory Of Evolution, this wont really make a difference.. But if you do, then check out THIS LINK.. It has the info about penguins who showed gay behaviour and a bloody list of all other animals which do as well.. And if man is also just a smarter animal, then it kinda speaks for itself..

After you do your study, if you decide that homosexuality is still a forbidden sin, then so be it. But if you believe that all gay people must be ousted from society, then go think again. The strongest base of argument to gay rights is that all man is created equal. And even in the mind of god, we have been created with the same amount of love. Life is tough on the poor, the oppressed and the weak. And if you're gonna say that that's the way God wanted it, then DAMN!! Gay is how god wanted them.

It takes an event for me to start up a post. Some form of inspiration. The source of this one is the movie Milk. Watch it. Milk, Philadelphia to get a spin on Gay Rights. The Band Played On for a look into the vague and somehow murky origins of AIDS.

Freedom of speech, press and thought are elementary. But if people let go of our freedom and allow ourselves to be haunted and controlled by the conservatives, we lose out on more than just freedom. It'll all be just a life of lies and people pleasing charade. You shouldn't fall for it. Or allow anyone else to either...

Major thanks to WIKIPEDIA for content help... Plagiarized the timeline...