The Anecdote and the Attacks

Well... The Mumbai attacks have all wrapped up... The aftertaste of the attacks are gonna stay with everyone for a long time. I caught the attacks myself the morning after they began. And the first pictures and videos I saw did kinda throw me off... I have to say, my first reaction was, "Shit... Attacks again... Now what?"... I didn't think of it as anything different. We'll come back to that later. When I found out it happened in two hotels, that's when I got worried. My Dad is a Hotel Man... Hotelier in the Hospitality Business. So it worried me. But he was safe. A relatively safe distance from the site of the attacks. And it wasn't in the hotel where he worked... So I felt relief...

Anyhow... The attacks are done. The news channels are having a field day. VP Singh passed away. Former Prime Minister. No one cares. Barely anyone knows. He got a passing mention in the newspaper. For all the professional and effective coverage, and more than 5 channels in English that I flip between and 3 Hindi, not a whiff of a mention. Only in passing. Well... The fat lady sings in the right place and that's where the crowds go...
I don't blame them either. Obviously the people are going to go to the place that is the most interesting. And how much ever we may call them sad and disappointing; it still excites the nation, gets adrenaline pumping and tongues lashing and sparks interest overseas...

So then... TV on... Everyone gunning for the most interesting celebrity to give them some cool comments. Everyone has stuff to say. Everyone has an opinion. And if curses could kill, we'd have elections next week. Everyone blames the politicos... They blame them for the entry into the nation in the boats. About the attack at the CST and the hotels and the rest... I don't understand that. Not entirely at least. Yes, I agree the politicians could've done a coupla things differently. And yes... A few small changes would've probably made some difference. Some will argue lot of difference.
Everyone's blaming everyone else. Some say the NSG were slow. Some say the system is messed up. Some say the people are irresponsible. Some say, "Foreign Hand"...
Now that's another thing. Why so adamant about blaming Pakistan...? The attackers were probably a few Pakistani. But that doesn't mean Pakistan DID IT. There was an Indian in the London attacks. That doesn't mean India planned that. It’s not right the way that happens. Again, I give so much leeway in the possibility that they were involved. But that doesn't mean they were. Let’s see... There's gonna be a movie soon. On these attacks. Probably based on a book. Let’s hope the books author does good research... Let me mention "Black Friday"... Good book. Good movie...

The title of this post stems from the root of my own guilt. I plead guilty to the interest and the excitement of the knowledge of the attacks. I tried to keep myself informed... I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth for every piece of disturbing news. I didn't like what I saw and read and it upset me. I didn't cry or anything... But I didn't like it. My friends and I were annoyed. We wanted it to change. We wanted to be able to do something. We didn't like being in the comfort of our beds and couches watching what was happening. I mean, we didn't wanna be in the thick of the attacks or anything. But we felt guilty at being just as innocent and being safe. I hear that something similar happens in plane crashes. Survivors live in guilt. Well... this is a comparison of sorts.
I was travelling the evening of the 28th and through the night. So I was cut off with no details. I had to wait for the next long-stop station or the morning. I was reading a book and had my iPod. So I was on a little island of my own. The book I was reading is called, " 'Tis ", an autobiographical account by Frank McCourt. Look him up if you’re curious. He isn't a celebrity though...And you'll be reading about him in subsequent posts.
Two things happened on the trip. They may not appear all that serious or interesting or even relevant. But they turned gears.

1. Between songs, I overheard the conversation between the passengers in my compartment. They weren't travelling together. As in, they were all new to each other. They were discussing the attacks. One guy insisted it was Pakistan. Everyone nodded. No one tried to say anything. I didn't either. I'm not exactly showing disappointment or being judgmental irrespective of how it sounds. But it got me wondering. Do we really have no opinions except that of others and the media? If Shobha De came on TV and bitch-slapped the politicians (which she did), do we say, "Hmmmm..." and think or say, "She's right..." and nod vigorously... Both are as applicable as the other. Everyone to his own. But the TV and "Other Tongue" have to stop being the source of our knowledge. And our opinions.

2. The book I was reading. It had an anecdote. Funny. It made me laugh. I found it funny and giggled. And mind you, I'm not saying I did something wrong. But I began to wonder. I moved from guilt to giggles in less than an hour. How did that happen? Were my emotions that hollow? Sigh... I'm not guilty about it. But it just turned gears like I said...

I love my country. I don't know. But I have always imagined the romanticism of being help my country even at the cost of my own life. I know it happens in movies. And as we all have seen, it recent times too... Too recent. Good people. Decent people. Everyone there had a life. They had cute kids and stomach aches. Asthma and too much money. Nagging wives and company reviews. Some probably had movie tickets and unpaid electricity bills. Some probably were waiting for a girlfriend and some to take a leak in the fancy hotel toilets. Ooh and Aah at the automatic flushes. Calling them lavatories and WC's...

I love my country. I do not want people to be scared coming to my country. India is a country of beauty and bargains and over-priced autos. But it’s also of love. The worst of us will respond to kindness. My image of my country is a Utopian belief. And I also believe the Utopia should be something we look for in our lands. Hopefully they'll one day come true. I've said earlier that I think violence is a necessary evil.

God Damn Me!! I hope that wasn't true...

Looking Up

One possible disadvantage writing about feelings and conscience is that people close to you who read the blog will start asking me if I'm ok. So yes.. This is me. Shaking my head to anyone who wants to ask me something like that. Look at it like this. I have close friends and confidants. If I have a problem, they'll know. So if you're one of them, you know if I have a problem with life. If you don't have any idea, it means you're essentially not close enough. Or that i have no problems worth worrying you about. I mean, come on... Who doesn't have problems...(rhetorical)

Go figure.

I'm 6 feet 3 inches tall. Now I'm not the biggest guy around. But then again, I have weighed 127 kilos. And I think I still am over a 100 kilos. Right.. Anyone who wants to know how I went from 127 to "just-over-100", don't ask... If I knew, I wouldn't be "over-100". Right, So I have had my share of being stared. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about women(though that has happened... Not in the intended manner)... I have turned corners and had people stop talking because they thought I was a teacher. I look at least 4 years older than I am. I'm pretty sure, that if I ever tried masquerading a teacher I could've pulled it off... Maybe.

I have never had an issue with my size. Never had an issue with my weight. I have looked at myself in the mirror and made my stomach talk like Al Pacino at times... I mean, "Fredo... You broke my heart".. Heh... How is that not funny with your stomach...

My height, weight and general shape and size have always, each, to the annoyance of some people been great sources of pride for me... :D

I'm not going to get a Nobel Prize ever.. EVER... Or even get the community award for 'Best Citizen'. Maybe 'Best at Eating Pani-Puri' though...

But I know I enjoy things I do. I've walked over 12 kms in a single afternoon and only turned around because the battery on my music player was running out... I have never bungee jumped or gone snake hunting. I don't live life on the edge. The greatest physical risk I can recall taking is eating a purple ice cream whose name I'm actually looking up right now as I type... Cannot believe I forgot it... 

But I like the things I do... I don't do charity work. I have no excuses. I now people who have really put their spines into it. I probably never will. I cannot think of anything I really have taken the effort to do. At this point, even putting effort seems fake to me. I have good friends. I have been lucky to have them. And I hope with most of my heart that they never read this.

I probably won't donate my kidney to a person unless I really had to or unless I cared for the person. I'm no saint.

Like I already said.. There are plenty of things I should have done at this point in my life. Plenty of things left to do. I don't know if I ever will.

I will always have critics. You're most likely shaking your head thinking how dumb this blog page is. You won't like the things I say. Shit.. I have people who have gotten angry at me for NOT talking and FOR talking, Trust me. I'm goddamn confused.

When I came to Chennai 3 years and 3 months ago, I didn't know anything about SMS etiquette. Honestly, I'm sad I learnt it. I have never smoked beyond a single puff. I have only had any kind of alcoholic spirit in the presence of my parents. I have never done any kind of drugs. Shit, except for movies and pictures, songs and books, I wouldn't know half the things I know.

When people don't tell me I suck, I think that maybe their thinking it and not telling me. I feel like an idiot halfway into conversations. I try to stop talking. Or then make bad jokes which no one understands. But I find them kinda funny though...

I'm essentially not as smart as most other people. My peers to be precise. NO.. I AM NOT putting myself down. But I can act smart. Its happened. I don't hunger for recognition and greatness. Thats called idiocy and small-mindedness in the world I live in.

I will always love the people who hate me. Its a character trait. We can judge a person not only by the company he keeps, but also the company that he doesn't. So people who curse my large overfed ass are the ones who give me a certain form of definition.

If you had to ask someone what kind of guy I am, the best one to ask is the guy I don't get along with. If they have any kind of respect for me, then its a very very positive thing. Not liking a person isn't the same as respect.

I have a few people I really really despise... But I have immense respect for them...

I don't know where I was going with all this. Its just going. Random words with no direction.

I don't know much about too many things. But I know I am a decent guy and every night, EVERY NIGHT, I go to sleep with no curses and no bitterness. I sleep at nights with the world as an ally. And it serves me well... I like it. And I advise it...

This following quote is from a fabulous movie named "Harvey" from 1950 starring James Stewart. A magnificent actor. he delivered the dialogue.

The quote makes more sense in context... But see if you carry any meaning from it. I did... In a manner...

ELWOOD P. DOWD:

'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh,

so smart or oh, so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me.'

Double Standards - The woes of a fanatic

DISCLAIMER: For better or worse, for right or wrong, this is an opinion. It doesn't apply to everyone and not necessarily
to me either... Just read. Leave comments if you wanna say something.. Or call me, mail me or any of those bloody billion ways of 21st century communication...

I'm a movie buff... Real hardcore. I enjoy movies. I like stories and tales. Movies, books and music are the ways i stay awake... I have watched movies that very few people can discuss. I have read books most other people have. My tastes in movies are wide... Action and Comedy rule. But crime and Drama are the genres that really really get my gears turning. Fantasy and all that are just fun. I'm not big on vampires and blood and gore though. Books are anything. Anything I can touch for the most part. Just for the record, my favourite movie is "Schindlers List". I'm lost trying to figure out a favourite book. Favourite song is "Unchained Melody"... ONLY, and I repeat ONLY the Righteous Brothers version. Elvis is god... But I personally wish he had never done a live cover of the song. Favourite Hindi song is "Mere Sapno Ki Rani". Favourite Hindi movie is a difficult pick too... But lets say "Vaastav" for now...

Now lets get down to what the title of this post means.
I know more about certain movies than your average movie buff... I'm not tooting my horn here. Certain people, after reading this will want to kick my ass so hard that my next post will be from the moon. So, in all modesty, I do... About certain movies more than certain people.
I mean, example... How many of you know that Al Pacino's "Scarface" (directed Brian DePalma) was a remake of a 1932 movie of the same name. Actually it was named, "Scarface: The Shame of the Nation"... it was based on the life of Al Capone, the then bootlegging Chicago mob boss and had Paul Muni potraying "Tony Camonte" opposed to Pacino's "Montana"... The remake had the Cuban gangsters. And every important aspect of the script was literally lifted off the original. etc. etc. etc... I could go on... Both movies are amazing. Stellar works.

Now I enjoy cricket. I like playing it and I like watching it. I live in India, so its like a side-effect of being Indian. A good one though. I, however, don't have statistics and teams and history of cricket sliding off my tongue. I like tennis. I love watching it. But again, I don't have stats slipping out of my pockets. The same goes on for F1. I watch the Football World Cup and was actually sad when France missed the Cup in 2006... Was actually sad. This from guy who barely knows the team players.

NOW... WHY is it ok to know everything about every player and every match in the history of a sport and NOT OK if you have the relatively same knowledge about movies...? I can argue as a fact that moms and dads get equally pissed if its a movie or a match I'm watching before an exam. Or even otherwise... For almost every bloody kid. Almost (Yes, I am being carefully diplomatic, if you have criticism, either put it in the comments or shove it down your throat (and i hope it doesn't digest) ...) For some reason, its ok if I can sustain a conversation about a sport, but its almost being a 'lost soul... a lad without vision and ambition' or "This guy is going to amount to nothing" kinda fellow if I give you more than necessary details about a movie...
Consider: "The first two Cricket World Cups didn't see India even qualifying through the first round. India took the Cup in 1983. And that Kapil Devs famous 175 which was never recorded on film was in this series against Zimbabwe." If I said this, then I'm, "well informed"...
If i said all that stuff I said before about Scarface, the most common responses I'll get are, "Duh ...", "So..?" and maybe, "Loser.."

I love cricket. Don't get me wrong... But my affinities to movies puts me in this situation sometimes and it gets on my nerves...
Cricket is a sport. Its fun and its beautiful and its fantastic.
In the same breadth, movies are art and no less beautiful or fantastic than cricket or football...

I await arguments and responses... (and expect to be left hanging)...
Till my next post then... To anyone who reaches this page, by fault or purpose, May The Force Be With You...