The Anecdote and the Attacks

Well... The Mumbai attacks have all wrapped up... The aftertaste of the attacks are gonna stay with everyone for a long time. I caught the attacks myself the morning after they began. And the first pictures and videos I saw did kinda throw me off... I have to say, my first reaction was, "Shit... Attacks again... Now what?"... I didn't think of it as anything different. We'll come back to that later. When I found out it happened in two hotels, that's when I got worried. My Dad is a Hotel Man... Hotelier in the Hospitality Business. So it worried me. But he was safe. A relatively safe distance from the site of the attacks. And it wasn't in the hotel where he worked... So I felt relief...

Anyhow... The attacks are done. The news channels are having a field day. VP Singh passed away. Former Prime Minister. No one cares. Barely anyone knows. He got a passing mention in the newspaper. For all the professional and effective coverage, and more than 5 channels in English that I flip between and 3 Hindi, not a whiff of a mention. Only in passing. Well... The fat lady sings in the right place and that's where the crowds go...
I don't blame them either. Obviously the people are going to go to the place that is the most interesting. And how much ever we may call them sad and disappointing; it still excites the nation, gets adrenaline pumping and tongues lashing and sparks interest overseas...

So then... TV on... Everyone gunning for the most interesting celebrity to give them some cool comments. Everyone has stuff to say. Everyone has an opinion. And if curses could kill, we'd have elections next week. Everyone blames the politicos... They blame them for the entry into the nation in the boats. About the attack at the CST and the hotels and the rest... I don't understand that. Not entirely at least. Yes, I agree the politicians could've done a coupla things differently. And yes... A few small changes would've probably made some difference. Some will argue lot of difference.
Everyone's blaming everyone else. Some say the NSG were slow. Some say the system is messed up. Some say the people are irresponsible. Some say, "Foreign Hand"...
Now that's another thing. Why so adamant about blaming Pakistan...? The attackers were probably a few Pakistani. But that doesn't mean Pakistan DID IT. There was an Indian in the London attacks. That doesn't mean India planned that. It’s not right the way that happens. Again, I give so much leeway in the possibility that they were involved. But that doesn't mean they were. Let’s see... There's gonna be a movie soon. On these attacks. Probably based on a book. Let’s hope the books author does good research... Let me mention "Black Friday"... Good book. Good movie...

The title of this post stems from the root of my own guilt. I plead guilty to the interest and the excitement of the knowledge of the attacks. I tried to keep myself informed... I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth for every piece of disturbing news. I didn't like what I saw and read and it upset me. I didn't cry or anything... But I didn't like it. My friends and I were annoyed. We wanted it to change. We wanted to be able to do something. We didn't like being in the comfort of our beds and couches watching what was happening. I mean, we didn't wanna be in the thick of the attacks or anything. But we felt guilty at being just as innocent and being safe. I hear that something similar happens in plane crashes. Survivors live in guilt. Well... this is a comparison of sorts.
I was travelling the evening of the 28th and through the night. So I was cut off with no details. I had to wait for the next long-stop station or the morning. I was reading a book and had my iPod. So I was on a little island of my own. The book I was reading is called, " 'Tis ", an autobiographical account by Frank McCourt. Look him up if you’re curious. He isn't a celebrity though...And you'll be reading about him in subsequent posts.
Two things happened on the trip. They may not appear all that serious or interesting or even relevant. But they turned gears.

1. Between songs, I overheard the conversation between the passengers in my compartment. They weren't travelling together. As in, they were all new to each other. They were discussing the attacks. One guy insisted it was Pakistan. Everyone nodded. No one tried to say anything. I didn't either. I'm not exactly showing disappointment or being judgmental irrespective of how it sounds. But it got me wondering. Do we really have no opinions except that of others and the media? If Shobha De came on TV and bitch-slapped the politicians (which she did), do we say, "Hmmmm..." and think or say, "She's right..." and nod vigorously... Both are as applicable as the other. Everyone to his own. But the TV and "Other Tongue" have to stop being the source of our knowledge. And our opinions.

2. The book I was reading. It had an anecdote. Funny. It made me laugh. I found it funny and giggled. And mind you, I'm not saying I did something wrong. But I began to wonder. I moved from guilt to giggles in less than an hour. How did that happen? Were my emotions that hollow? Sigh... I'm not guilty about it. But it just turned gears like I said...

I love my country. I don't know. But I have always imagined the romanticism of being help my country even at the cost of my own life. I know it happens in movies. And as we all have seen, it recent times too... Too recent. Good people. Decent people. Everyone there had a life. They had cute kids and stomach aches. Asthma and too much money. Nagging wives and company reviews. Some probably had movie tickets and unpaid electricity bills. Some probably were waiting for a girlfriend and some to take a leak in the fancy hotel toilets. Ooh and Aah at the automatic flushes. Calling them lavatories and WC's...

I love my country. I do not want people to be scared coming to my country. India is a country of beauty and bargains and over-priced autos. But it’s also of love. The worst of us will respond to kindness. My image of my country is a Utopian belief. And I also believe the Utopia should be something we look for in our lands. Hopefully they'll one day come true. I've said earlier that I think violence is a necessary evil.

God Damn Me!! I hope that wasn't true...