Looking Up

One possible disadvantage writing about feelings and conscience is that people close to you who read the blog will start asking me if I'm ok. So yes.. This is me. Shaking my head to anyone who wants to ask me something like that. Look at it like this. I have close friends and confidants. If I have a problem, they'll know. So if you're one of them, you know if I have a problem with life. If you don't have any idea, it means you're essentially not close enough. Or that i have no problems worth worrying you about. I mean, come on... Who doesn't have problems...(rhetorical)

Go figure.

I'm 6 feet 3 inches tall. Now I'm not the biggest guy around. But then again, I have weighed 127 kilos. And I think I still am over a 100 kilos. Right.. Anyone who wants to know how I went from 127 to "just-over-100", don't ask... If I knew, I wouldn't be "over-100". Right, So I have had my share of being stared. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about women(though that has happened... Not in the intended manner)... I have turned corners and had people stop talking because they thought I was a teacher. I look at least 4 years older than I am. I'm pretty sure, that if I ever tried masquerading a teacher I could've pulled it off... Maybe.

I have never had an issue with my size. Never had an issue with my weight. I have looked at myself in the mirror and made my stomach talk like Al Pacino at times... I mean, "Fredo... You broke my heart".. Heh... How is that not funny with your stomach...

My height, weight and general shape and size have always, each, to the annoyance of some people been great sources of pride for me... :D

I'm not going to get a Nobel Prize ever.. EVER... Or even get the community award for 'Best Citizen'. Maybe 'Best at Eating Pani-Puri' though...

But I know I enjoy things I do. I've walked over 12 kms in a single afternoon and only turned around because the battery on my music player was running out... I have never bungee jumped or gone snake hunting. I don't live life on the edge. The greatest physical risk I can recall taking is eating a purple ice cream whose name I'm actually looking up right now as I type... Cannot believe I forgot it... 

But I like the things I do... I don't do charity work. I have no excuses. I now people who have really put their spines into it. I probably never will. I cannot think of anything I really have taken the effort to do. At this point, even putting effort seems fake to me. I have good friends. I have been lucky to have them. And I hope with most of my heart that they never read this.

I probably won't donate my kidney to a person unless I really had to or unless I cared for the person. I'm no saint.

Like I already said.. There are plenty of things I should have done at this point in my life. Plenty of things left to do. I don't know if I ever will.

I will always have critics. You're most likely shaking your head thinking how dumb this blog page is. You won't like the things I say. Shit.. I have people who have gotten angry at me for NOT talking and FOR talking, Trust me. I'm goddamn confused.

When I came to Chennai 3 years and 3 months ago, I didn't know anything about SMS etiquette. Honestly, I'm sad I learnt it. I have never smoked beyond a single puff. I have only had any kind of alcoholic spirit in the presence of my parents. I have never done any kind of drugs. Shit, except for movies and pictures, songs and books, I wouldn't know half the things I know.

When people don't tell me I suck, I think that maybe their thinking it and not telling me. I feel like an idiot halfway into conversations. I try to stop talking. Or then make bad jokes which no one understands. But I find them kinda funny though...

I'm essentially not as smart as most other people. My peers to be precise. NO.. I AM NOT putting myself down. But I can act smart. Its happened. I don't hunger for recognition and greatness. Thats called idiocy and small-mindedness in the world I live in.

I will always love the people who hate me. Its a character trait. We can judge a person not only by the company he keeps, but also the company that he doesn't. So people who curse my large overfed ass are the ones who give me a certain form of definition.

If you had to ask someone what kind of guy I am, the best one to ask is the guy I don't get along with. If they have any kind of respect for me, then its a very very positive thing. Not liking a person isn't the same as respect.

I have a few people I really really despise... But I have immense respect for them...

I don't know where I was going with all this. Its just going. Random words with no direction.

I don't know much about too many things. But I know I am a decent guy and every night, EVERY NIGHT, I go to sleep with no curses and no bitterness. I sleep at nights with the world as an ally. And it serves me well... I like it. And I advise it...

This following quote is from a fabulous movie named "Harvey" from 1950 starring James Stewart. A magnificent actor. he delivered the dialogue.

The quote makes more sense in context... But see if you carry any meaning from it. I did... In a manner...

ELWOOD P. DOWD:

'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh,

so smart or oh, so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me.'